


Kintsukuroi

by orphan_account



Category: Alien Series, Aliens (1986), Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Space Marines, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-20 16:17:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21059564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After surviving the harrowing events of Iwashiro, Renji returns to Earth for recovery while the Gotei arrange for his transfer to a new unit. But while he may have escaped that hellhole, it definitely hasn't left him, and the return of an old childhood friend in his life does little to help.Haunted by fierce nightmares, hurt by the loss of his unit, and now feeling completely worthless and alone, Renji starts to question his worth as a Marine, and where his place in life truly is as he tries to rekindle a once-severed friendship. And now, with three months of leave, he must cope with his guilt and trauma, as recovery becomes a tough struggle that will shape his role as a leader in the years to come.





	1. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon arriving at Gateway Station, Renji suffers through a hearing by insufferable executives of Weyland-Yutani.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last instalment of "Semper Fi". This story is going to be quite a heavy one, but I do look forward to writing it all out.
> 
> Note: I had changed the duration of Renji's leave to three months instead of six, for the sake of the story.
> 
> Regarding the title: Kintsukuroi (金繕い), also known as "Kintsugi" (金継ぎ), is a Japanese art form, referring to the repairing of broken pottery by mending the breakage with lacquer mixed with gold. As a philosophy, it embraces hardships and resilience, treating breakage and repair as part of the object's history rather than as something to be hidden, which is why I thought it to be a fitting title for this instalment.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys!

_ April 2175 _

In the three weeks that Renji is asleep, he dreams of a lot of things. He can’t remember the extent of them, but they were all confusing and freakish. He dreams of shadows hunting him down, of death and chaos, of being trapped in a never-ending darkness, never being able to get out no matter where he ran.

Eventually, he becomes aware of his heart beating a bit faster, and then he feels air rushing all around him as the lid of the cryopod opens up. As the lights flicker back on, Renji slowly sits up, shivering slightly as he rubs on his arms to try and warm himself up.

“Sarge…?” he asks, expecting to hear Amagai’s voice responding to him.

When he’s met with silence, Renji opens his eyes.

He’s all alone in the cryochamber. All the other pods are empty, and for a moment, Renji wonders if everyone else has somehow woken up. There’s a heavy silence in the air, and he doesn’t hear any bickering or spiteful words being hurled at one another.

“What the hell ha-”

That’s when the memories from three weeks ago come flooding back into his mind, and Renji stiffens up as he recalls everything.

He hears Toudou’s screams, the sound of unearthly screeches and hisses, Shishigawara begging for death, he remembers the lingering smell of rotten corpses… that… that  _ thing _ that burst out of that man’s chest… and Kotetsu’s body, all bloody and torn and so obviously violated in the worst way possible.

It hadn’t been a twisted nightmare in cryosleep. Everyone in his unit is dead, having been taken or killed by those demonic, beastly creatures that must’ve been a manifestation of every nightmare from his childhood days.

“Oh god…” Renji buries his face in his hands, as if the weight of realization has crashed down on him.

Not wanting to let the heavy feeling weigh him down, he rubs his face and climbs out of his cryopod. He frees his hair from its braid and makes his way to his locker to get changed into fresh fatigues.

As he changes clothes, Renji wonders just what is going to happen now. By now, the Gotei would’ve received his transmission, there’s no doubting that. However, Renji doesn’t know how they’re going to deal with the death of an entire unit, let alone the sole survivor.

Is he going to be discharged for not doing enough to protect them? Will he get sent to a new unit?

_ Please don’t let me be discharged… this is all I have. _ Renji prays.

Once he’s changed into his fatigues, Renji brushes his hair and ties it into a low side ponytail as always, and then he sighs.

God, he’s barely been awake for several hours, and he’s already feeling so drained.

Renji is about to head to the mess hall when he realizes that he really doesn’t have much of an appetite right now. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he heads down to the bridge just to see how much more time is left before the ship docks at Gateway.

Once the ship docks, he’ll have to go through quarantine, then give his report to whichever Gotei officer shows up to meet him, and then hand off whatever specimens they may have collected to the science department.

At that thought, Renji bitterly remembers that monster and its horrifying life cycle. He recalls his vow to never let those motherfuckers on Earth, and he intends to keep that goddamn vow.

His heart feels heavy, and Renji just sighs again.

The next few months are going to be a living hell for him. He just knows it.

* * *

An hour later, the  _ Kyoka Suigetsu _ finally docks at Gateway Station, and Renji collects his duffel bag before he exits onto the gangway that leads to the quarantine chamber.

After going through the regular quarantine procedures, Renji is declared safe, and is allowed to enter the station proper.

Waiting for him on the other side of the quarantine chamber are Colonels Kyoraku and Ukitake, the both of them in their service uniforms. Also with them, much to Renji’s dismay, is a group of Weyland-Yutani executives.

Upon seeing him, Kyoraku and Ukitake both approach him. Ukitake’s eyebrows are furrowed in worry, and Kyoraku looks at him with a sad smile on his face.

Renji looks at them, mild surprise in his eyes. “Colonels?” he asks.

“Good God, what happened to you, Corporal?” Ukitake asks, his voice worried. “We received your transmission… your entire unit is dead?”

Averting his eyes, Renji nods. “Yes, sir.”

“I’ve seen those eyes before,” Kyoraku adds somberly. “Those are the eyes of someone who’s seen too much.”

One of the executives clears his throat, getting their attention.

Renji just glares at them and their pinstripe suits, slick douchebag haircuts, and arrogant faces. He’s never held the Company in high regards, and he especially hates the businessmen who look down in contempt at military people and working-class folks.

He literally doesn’t want to deal with them right now, but something is telling him that he really has no choice.

“Save your reunion for later, Marines,” the executive tells them, his voice patronizing. “We have a hearing to take care of, regarding the destruction of Company property.”

Renji narrows his eyes. “What did I destroy?” he asks.

“One of our dropships,” another executive tells him. “And that costs quite a bit of money, don’t you know? And we need to find out just what happened.”

Nodding slowly, Renji just follows them to a meeting room, his footsteps filled with dread and exhaustion.

It’s no use. There’s no way those executives will take him seriously. 

That’s when Renji feels a gentle hand on his right shoulder. Looking up, he sees Ukitake with a kind, reassuring smile on his face.

“Are you nervous, Corporal?” he asks.

Renji looks down. “I don’t wanna deal with Company assholes right now,” he admits. “They’re not gonna take me seriously. No one will.”

Kyoraku just smiles in response. “Don’t worry, Abarai,” he tells him. “Those executives aren’t going to try anything funny. Not while I’m there. They’ll just ask some questions as to what happened on your mission, we’ll also be taking some notes, and then you’ll be good to go.”

A weak smile crosses Renji’s face, in spite of himself. “Thank you, sir,” he says. “But to be honest… I just really want to go home.”

“I understand,” Ukitake tells him sincerely. “We’ll make sure you get home once this is over. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

Renji stares up at the clock, hardly paying attention to anything that the executives are saying.

Has he already been here for two and a half goddamn hours? It feels more like an eternity.

The executives had asked Renji to recount the events of Iwashiro, and he did so. He had tried not to leave anything out as he forced himself to relive the nightmare that killed off his entire unit.

Of course, none of them really took him seriously. Renji’s had to retell the story again and again, and then get subjected to more and more ridiculous questions. His nerves, already stretched to their limits, are on the verge of snapping, and if he has to recount these events one more fucking time…

“I don’t understand this,” Renji says, getting up from his seat. “We’ve been here for two and a half hours already. How many different ways do you want me to tell the same story?”

“Why not try looking at it from our perspective, Corporal?” the chief executive asks him.

Renji folds his arms, waiting for him to speak.

“You’ve freely admitted to detonating and destroying a deep space station, which also destroyed a Cheyenne dropship. A rather expensive piece of equipment, don’t you know? Anyways, your transmission corroborates some of your account, in that for reasons unknown, your unit set down on Iwashiro Space Station, and then it was set to destruct by you for reasons unknown,” the exec continues.

“Not for reasons unknown, I told you already,” Renji insists, his voice stern. “We set down there on orders for an investigation, when we encountered a creature that destroyed my unit.”

“There was no physical evidence found of any kind of creature on the shuttle in the airlock of the  _ Kyoka Suigetsu,” _ another executive chimes in.

“Good! Because I blew it out of the goddamn shuttle when I was escaping!” Renji snaps.

From the corner of his eye, he notices Kyoraku massaging his temples.

_ Don’t I know it…  _ Renji thinks to himself, turning to look at the screen that displays the photos and data of his dead squadmates.

“Have there been any reports of this kind of… hostile organism?” an executive asks.

“No. There’s no way that it’s indigenous to a space station in deep space,” a female executive responds.

A laugh of disbelief escapes Renji’s lips, and he turns to glare at the executives. “Are you deaf? I’m telling you what I saw, and I saw this thing kill off every last one of my squadmates! We were underprepared, and we had no way of knowing what we were up against!”

“Sounds more like a cryosleep nightmare to me,” the chief exec says dismissively. “In fact… I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re the one who killed your unit and made up this story.”

Renji’s eyes widen at the accusation, his hands clenching into fists. And something inside him just  _ snaps. _

“Oh, boy…” Kyoraku mutters.

“That’s a very loaded accusation you’re making,” Ukitake chimes in, trying to defuse the situation. “Are you actually insinuating that Corporal Abarai-”

“Oh, fuck you!” Renji snarls, slamming his hands on the table. “Are you seriously accusing me of killing my unit like that, you sick son of a bitch?! You’ve done nothing but treat me like shit, and now you expect me to treat you with respect after accusing me like that?! You know what? All of you can just go fuck yourselves!”

His rage fades away, and Renji blinks as he realizes what he just said. Glancing at Kyoraku and Ukitake, he notices that Ukitake is shaking his head slightly, hiding his face in his hand, while Kyoraku just sighs.

The chief executive just smile smugly. “Sounds like his mental health is quite unstable here,” he points out. “I recommend that he be discharged, Colonel Kyoraku. I’m sure you wouldn’t want a Marine like him embarrassing you like this, right?”

_ Goddammit…  _ Renji thinks to himself.

A rather sly smile crosses Kyoraku’s face. “Oh? Since when was it your right to tell me who should and shouldn’t be in the Gotei?” he asks. “Corporal Abarai is a capable Marine, I can guarantee you that. He’s just very exhausted and tired; it was a long mission for him, and I’m sure he’d rather go home than put up with this meeting any longer. And besides… it really isn’t your place to make wild accusations like that, you know? After all… you have your own secrets, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want anyone else to know about them, right?”

“Are you threatening me, Colonel?” the exec asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe I am,” Kyoraku responds lightly. “Anyways, I think we can all agree that there was an accident that killed off Abarai’s unit, and that Abarai was lucky to have escaped unscathed. So how about we just settle it there, why don’t we?”

The exec pauses for a moment, but nods grudgingly. “Alright, then. That will be all.”

“In the meantime, we’re going to get Abarai back down to Earth so he can have a break before we get a transfer to a new unit arranged,” Kyoraku continues. “Starting today, you’ll be on leave for three months.”

Three months of leave? Renji has to admit, he hasn’t received a period of leave for that long. But honestly, it might be for the best.

By the time he leaves the meeting room, Renji is so worn out and drained of energy. Being holed up in that room and interrogated for two and a half hours can do that, he guesses.

“So, here’s what’s going to happen,” Ukitake starts. “First, we’ll get a flight itinerary prepared for you to go back to Japan. Then, we’ll send you down to your base to collect any personal items there, and then you can go home. How does that sound?”

Renji nods. “Yes, please.” He then averts his eyes before lowering his voice. “Also… I’m sorry about what I just said to them.”

Ukitake smiles. “Don’t worry. I can understand why you lashed out like that,” he reassures. “They had no right accusing you of doing something like that.”

“Now then, where are you currently stationed?” Kyoraku asks.

“Cairo, sir.”

“And where is your home?”

“I live in Tokyo, sir.”

“Alrighty. We’ll get your itinerary prepared for Tokyo, and we’ll be coming with you to Cairo for clearing out the base,” Ukitake tells him. “There is a shuttle that’ll be flying down to the Cairo Earth Terminal in about two hours, so how about we go to the gate and wait?”

Renji nods. “That sounds like a good idea, sir.”

* * *

Waiting at the gate for the shuttle to Cairo, Renji just stares out the window at the star-filled spacescape and at the view of Earth. He doesn’t pay much attention to Kyoraku and Ukitake’s conversation and laments over how much paperwork there will be, and neither does he pay much attention to the Arabic conversations of several members of the Egyptian Colonial Army. 

He just loses himself in his idle thoughts while sipping from a cup of tea, trying not to think about the events of three weeks ago. If he can keep his anger and grief contained a little bit longer… 

A short while later, the shuttle has arrived at the gate and is ready for boarding. Disposing of the cup, Renji takes his bag and joins Kyoraku and Ukitake aboard the shuttle.

The flight down to Earth goes by in a blur and before Renji even realizes, they re-enter Earth’s atmosphere and the only colours that he sees are the warm and dusty colours of Egypt’s capital city, and the soft blue of the late-afternoon sky.

They land at the earth terminal, located a good hour and a half away from Cairo. When the doors open up, Renji is instantly greeted with the scorching desert heat and the hot sun bearing down on him.

“My goodness, it’s quite hot out here!” Kyoraku says, holding his hand above his eyes.

Renji nods absentmindedly as he collects his duffel bag.

When they enter the air-conditioned terminal building, they’re met with military police, and a car waiting to take them to the base. Also parked behind that car are several other official vehicles to come to the base for the sake of clearing it out.

Loading his bag into the trunk, Renji climbs into the car and waits for Kyoraku and Ukitake. Once they’re inside, the driver comes in and starts the drive to the base.

On the drive, Renji looks outside the window at the scenery, looking at the distant silhouettes of the Great Pyramids. As they drive through the city, he hears the sound of the late-afternoon adhan, the call to prayer, being recited from loudspeakers in the Al-Azhar Mosque, and for a moment, Renji feels at peace. 

He’d gotten quite used to hearing the adhan at various times of day during his duration in Cairo, and it’ll be weird not to hear it once he’s back in Japan, to be honest.

An hour and a half later, they arrive at the base building. Right before Renji steps out of the car, Ukitake calls for him.

“I just wanted to let you know that we’ve got your itinerary ready,” he tells him, handing him an envelope. “We got it ready back on Gateway, and managed to get it printed out. Your boarding pass is in here, alright?”

Renji nods listlessly. “Thanks, sir.”

Taking the envelope, Renji then gets out of the car, grabs his duffel bag, and heads inside the building to his quarters.

Again, the silence hangs heavily in the air, and it’s so weird and alien to him. Sighing softly, he collects his clothes and personal belongings, packing them all away into his duffel bag. Once he’s packed up his sketchbook and pencils, as well as his manga volume and music player into his backpack, Renji does one last sweep of the room before deciding that it’s all clear.

With everything packed up, Renji decides to take a look at his flight itinerary, so he opens the envelope. Inside, there’s a ticket for a one-way flight straight from Cairo to Tokyo-Haneda, which departs at twenty-one-thirty tonight. And he’ll be landing tomorrow at sixteen-thirty, Japanese time.

It’ll be a long flight, but at least there aren’t any additional stops.

“You all done?” Kyoraku asks him.

Glancing behind, Renji nods. “Yes, Colonel. I’ll just go and get changed into some civilian clothes right now.”

As he turns to head to the washroom, he pauses. “Will… Will there be a funeral for my unit?” he asks.

Ukitake nods. “There will be,” he says. “It will take some time to get everything ready for the funeral ceremony, but as of now, we’ve decided for the funeral to take place in Tokyo at the end of April. We have a lot of paperwork to deal with, relatives to contact, all of that, so again, it’ll take some time. In addition, we still have yet to hear from someone about your transfer request.”

_ Great.  _ Renji thinks sourly.

“But you have three months, so make sure you take care of yourself during that time, alright?” Kyoraku tells him. With a smile, he pats Renji’s shoulder.

“Have a safe flight,” he tells him.

Renji manages a weak smile at them. “Thanks for everything,” he says.

* * *

Shortly after changing into civilian clothes consisting of comfortable jeans, a black T-shirt, and a hoodie in his backpack for the flight, Renji takes a taxi to the Cairo airport.

By now, the sun is already beginning to set, and the sky is a brilliant display of fiery colours slowly shifting into deep blue. In the distance, Renji hears the evening adhan from the mosque, and he lets a brief smile tug at the corners of his lips as he lets himself enjoy it for one last time.

Gazing out at the pyramids in the distance, he allows his thoughts to wander back to two months ago, when he’d made friends with a corporal from the Egyptian Colonial Army.

It had been early February, and Renji had desperately needed a break from all the dysfunction in his unit. Shortly after a joint training exercise with an Egyptian squad, he’d gotten to know the corporal of that unit: a nice guy named Omar Shadid.

Through their somewhat hesitant English, they’d managed to become fairly good friends, and that afternoon, Shadid had taken Renji to see the remains of Ancient Egypt: Memphis, the pyramids, among other places. It had been such a wonderful experience, being able to wander through the ruins of the palace, trying to imagine it in its glory days, and just having that sense of peace beneath the hot desert sun.

_ Man, I’m really going to miss this place.  _ Renji thinks. He’s been in Cairo for several months now that it almost feels like home to him.

And it’ll definitely be some time before he gets to feel that sense of peace again.

Upon arriving at the airport, Renji takes his duffel bag and backpack, and gets the former checked in. Once he goes through security, he heads to the terminal where his gate is located and gets a light dinner for himself, all while thinking about what to do for three months.

He’ll go back to his apartment, help his neighbour out with running the shop below, and even play with his neighbour’s kids. They love playing futsal, one of Renji’s favourite childhood games, too. Hell, he might even catch up on reading as well.

It’s as he thinks about this that he notices a gift shop selling souvenirs. Smiling faintly, Renji decides to buy a couple Egyptian souvenirs for his neighbours.

Shortly after buying some small keepsake items, Renji hears the announcement that his flight has arrived and is now ready for boarding. Getting his boarding pass and passport ready, he gets them scanned by the agent, who lets him board.

Once he’s boarded and stowed away all his things, Renji finally allows himself to relax in his seat. He intends to close his eyes for a short moment, but he finally feels the fatigue beginning to wash over him as the plane slowly taxis down the runway.

Renji is shoved back into his seat as the plane speeds up, and he closes his eyes, hoping for a nightmare-free sleep. Eventually, exhaustion catches up to him, and he succumbs to a deep sleep by the time the plane takes off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we begin this story.
> 
> I referred to the hearing scene from _Aliens_, where Ripley also has to put up with Company execs gaslighting her and refusing to believe her story, all while she's undoubtedly traumatized and hurting from the loss of her crew. But let's be honest, who wouldn't be annoyed if they were in Ripley's shoes?
> 
> Let me know how I did :) Have a good one!


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji returns home to his apartment and tries to establish a routine, all while trying to fight off the nightmares that haunt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 2. While Renji may have returned home here, his trauma is only just beginning. I feel so bad for Renji here as well, I just want to give him a hug...
> 
> Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.
> 
> Trigger warning for mild blood and body horror.

Renji is jolted awake by the sensation of the plane landing on the runway. Looking out the window, he sees the late afternoon skyline of Tokyo as the plane gradually slows down while approaching the airport terminal.

As the captain and flight attendants announce their arrival in Arabic, English, and Japanese, Renji looks down at his watch, which he’d set to Japanese time before takeoff. It’s already sixteen-thirty, but he can already feel the jetlag slowly settling into him.

He’s used to jet lag and moving through different time zones like it’s nothing, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating. Right now, all he wants is to just go back to his apartment and sleep for a few more hours.

Shortly after the plane pulls up at the jetbridge, the seatbelt sign is turned off, and Renji finds himself undoing his seatbelt and getting up. Once his seatmates have collected their belongings and moved out of the way, Renji collects his backpack and makes sure he has everything with him before he also exits the plane into the jetbridge.

Going through customs and immigration is yet another irritation, but the line moves quickly and before he even knows, he’s already making his way to the baggage carousel in the arrivals hall of Haneda airport.

After getting his duffel bag from the carousel, Renji leaves the airport and flags down a cab. Giving the driver his address, they pull away from the airport and start the drive down to the Nakameguro district.

Staring out the window, Renji loses himself in his thoughts as he watches the scenery of neon signs, retro-futuristic buildings, and large crowds. Every now and then, he sees a mix of old Japan in the city, along with a few sakura trees already in full bloom. And that’s when he remembers that it’s already spring, and that Hanami will be happening soon.

The drive is long, but eventually, they reach Nakameguro. The car pulls up to a small shop with a brightly-lit sign that reads: ‘Tessai’s Robot Repairs’.

“This the place?” the driver asks.

Renji nods. “Yes. Thank you,” he says, giving the driver his pay before collecting his backpack and duffel bag.

The driver gives him a slight smile. “No problem. And thanks for your service,” he says, right as Renji climbs out.

Renji only has time to nod slightly before the driver pulls away.

Staring up at the shop that overlooks the Meguro River, Renji sighs slightly. It’s been a while since he was last home, so he’s probably got stuff to clean up.

He makes his way to the back of the shop, opening the door and stepping inside the storage room. As he gets his house keys out of his backpack, the door from the shop opens, and in steps the shop owner, Tsukabishi Tessai.

Tessai stops in the doorway, looking surprised. “Abarai-kun?” he asks in his usual baritone voice.

Renji offers him a small smile. “Hey, Tessai-san,” he greets.

And then before he can even blink, he’s swiftly pulled into a bone-crushing hug. “Ah, Abarai-kun! It’s been too long!” Tessai greets heartily, clapping Renji’s back and making his bones shudder slightly.

“Nice to… see you too…” Renji says, his voice strained against the tight hug.

Tsukabishi Tessai had served in the Gotei several years ago, having been a Sergeant who had done many campaigns in several notorious warzones, off-planet and on Earth. Having achieved several awards for his efforts, Tessai had eventually retired, adopted two children, and opened up his own android repair shop in Nakameguro.

Pulling away, Tessai smiles at him. “So, what are you doing here?” he asks.

“Ah, well… I’ve just started three months of leave today,” Renji says, rubbing the back of his neck. “And I just came here after a very long flight from Cairo, so… I’m really tired.”

“Oh, I can imagine,” Tessai says empathetically. “Well, I’ll let you go and settle down in your home now. And if you’re interested, you can stop by for dinner! I’ll be making yakisoba noodles tonight!”

Renji nods. “Thanks for the offer. I might just stop by tonight.”

Taking his duffel bag and backpack, he heads towards the stairwell near the shop’s backroom, and makes his way up to his apartment on the second floor. Renji unlocks the door and pushes it open before entering the apartment.

Once he removes his shoes, he turns on the light and looks around at the home he hasn’t seen in a while now.

It’s a small apartment, but it’s comfortable enough for Renji. It’s also much cleaner than he remembered, and he briefly wonders if Tessai had cleaned his apartment up while he was gone as he sets his bags down in his bedroom.

It’s so quiet, a sharp contrast to the city noise in Cairo, and for a moment, Renji falters as he recalls the silence of Iwashiro. Trying to rid himself of the memory, he shakes his head and goes to his closet, searching for a fresh change of clothes.

He needs a shower right now.

After settling on a pair of jeans and one of his favourite black tank tops, Renji has a nice, hot shower to relax a little bit. Once he’s cleaner and changed into his fresh clothes, he decides to take up Tessai on his offer for dinner. It’ll be nice to have some fresh, homemade food for a change instead of base rations or instant ramen.

Besides, he has no food in his fridge at all.

_ Man, I need to go grocery shopping at some point…  _ Renji realizes.

His plans decided, Renji goes and gets the souvenirs from his duffel bag before putting his house key in his jeans pocket.

Maybe some company might stop his mind from reliving Iwashiro as well.

* * *

At eighteen-thirty, Renji makes his way down the hall to Tessai’s apartment, the little bag of souvenirs in his hand. He’d bought an ankh bracelet for Ururu, a papyrus scroll for Tessai, and an Eye of Horus keychain for Jinta from the airport, and he hopes that they like their gifts.

He knocks on the door and waits for a few minutes before the door opens.

Standing in the doorway is Ururu, who looks up at Renji with her gentle eyes.

Renji gives her a soft smile. “Hey, Ururu,” he greets. “Long time no see.”

“Good evening, Abarai-kun,” she greets, stepping out of the way so that Renji can enter. Glancing over her shoulder, she calls, “Abarai-kun is here!”.

Instantly, he’s hit with the smell of yakisoba noodles cooking when he steps inside.

And right then, a small red-haired boy comes out from his room. Noticing Renji, he grins cockily.

“Oi, Abarai-kun! Where ya been?” he asks. “You’ve been gone almost forever!”

“Mind your manners, Jinta!” Tessai’s voice booms from the kitchen.

Renji just grins slightly. “Well, I was deployed in Cairo, actually,” he says. “And I even brought back some things for all of you.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to!” Tessai says as he emerges from the kitchen. “You shouldn’t have, Abarai-kun!”

“What did you bring?!” Jinta demands excitedly.

Again, Jinta’s enthusiasm brings a smile to Renji’s face. “Well, I bought this for you, Jinta,” he says, showing him keychain. “It’s the Eye of Horus, in case you were wondering.”

Turning to Ururu, he gives her the bracelet. “I got this ankh bracelet for you,” he says.

Then to Tessai, Renji gives him the scroll. “And this is a papyrus scroll with some hieroglyphics,” he says. “I hope you all like them.”

Tessai smiles warmly. “Well, I certainly do,” he says sincerely. “Now then, why don’t you come and eat with us now?”

“Sounds good.”

Renji helps them get the table ready, and then sits down to eat. The yakisoba noodles on his plate look very good, and when he takes his first bite, he’s very pleased with how good it tastes.

“As always, your food is awesome, Tessai-san,” Renji praises. “So much better than base rations.”

Tessai chuckles. “Thank you, Abarai-kun,” he says. “But then again, I think anything would be better than base rations.”

“How was Egypt, Abarai-kun?” Ururu asks.

“It was nice. Very hot, but nice,” Renji tells her. “I was mainly busy with a lot of training, but I did get the chance to see the pyramids and Memphis, so that was great.”

“So how come you’re back in Japan all of a sudden?” Jinta asks.

At that, Renji pauses and looks down. “‘Cause I’m on leave right now,” he simply answers.

After that question, he is silent for the rest of dinner. Renji eats his noodles and listens to Ururu and Jinta talking about school, what they’re learning in class, and how the beginning of the new school year has gone.

“By the way, will you be playing futsal with us now?” Jinta asks him.

Renji nods. “I’ll do my best,” he says quietly.

He doesn’t know what happened just now, but Renji feels a sudden lump in his throat. He tries not to talk too much, afraid he might have a breakdown and cry in front of his neighbours, but the more he tries to keep calm, the more his heart hurts.

Right now, he just wants to be alone, just so he can cry. But it’s rude to just leave like that; Tessai has made an effort to invite him here tonight. He should eat his dinner and help out a little bit.

If Jinta and Ururu notice his state of mind, they don’t say anything. But Renji does feel Tessai’s eyes regarding him with slight concern.

When dinner is over, he helps Tessai with cleaning up the table. While Jinta and Ururu go to do their homework, Renji stacks up the plates and takes them to the kitchen. As he washes the plates with the sponge, he hears Tessai’s footsteps from behind him.

“Everything okay, Abarai-kun?” he asks.

Renji just nods absentmindedly. “Yeah.”

“You don’t have to do this, you know? You should focus on getting over your jet lag,” Tessai tells him.

“It’s fine, Tessai-san. I’d like to help out,” Renji insists, smiling faintly.

There’s a moment of silence before Tessai speaks again. “Tell me, Abarai-kun… just why are you on leave for three months?” he asks.

Renji freezes in place, and he swallows hard. “I…” Closing his eyes tightly, he forces himself to take a deep breath as he tries to quell the memories.

“It was a mission… everything went horribly, horribly wrong,” Renji says tightly. “Now everyone in my unit is dead.”

“Oh.” Tessai’s voice is quiet. “I’m so sorry, Abarai-kun.”

That’s when Renji notices the empathetic look in his eyes. 

“I have a feeling that there was more that happened,” Tessai says. “But you don’t have to push yourself to share if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Again, Renji can’t help the weak smile on his face. “Thanks, Tessai-san,” he says.

“Well, I think you can go home for the night,” Tessai tells him. “I’ve packed up some leftover noodles for you to take, just so you don’t go hungry tomorrow.”

“Oh, thank you.” Renji dries his hands and takes the container of noodles. “Have a good night, Tessai-san.”

“You too,” Tessai says.

For a moment, Renji thinks he’s feeling alright. But the moment he leaves Tessai’s apartment, the weight suddenly comes back on his shoulders.

* * *

_ The smell of rotting corpses fills Renji’s nostrils as he opens his eyes and looks around. It’s dark and cold, and for a moment, he doesn’t know where he is. _

_ Suddenly, he hears Kotetsu screaming from the distance. She sounds like she’s crying, and her screams chill Renji to the bone as he hears the animalistic undertone to them. _

_ He has to get to her. _

_ But when he tries to run, he can’t move his legs. He can’t even move his arms, for that matter. _

_ Renji’s eyes widen in horror as he looks down to see the hard resin encrusted all over his body. _

_ He’s… He’s been cocooned into the walls. _

_ Desperately, Renji strains his arm against the resin, trying to break free from it. But it’s too hard, too thick to break free from. _

_ And that’s when he feels it. _

_ There’s something  _ ** _inside him,_ ** _ pushing against his ribcage, trying to break free from his chest. It hurts, his chest hurts, something is breaking his bones, tearing through his muscles and he can feel the blood spilling from his lips as agonizing pain washes over him. _

_ Renji can’t even scream. The very last thing he sees is his own chest tearing open as a vicious screech rings through the air. _

* * *

Renji cries out as his eyes fly open, and he nearly jolts up in bed, his heart pounding hard against his chest.

For a moment, he is confused as to where he is. He takes a look around, and slowly realizes that he’s in his room. His body is covered in a cold sweat, and even his sheets feel a bit damp with sweat.

Gingerly, Renji places his hand over his chest, just to make sure. Feeling nothing out of place, he relaxes his shoulders and sighs shakily. Tears fill his eyes, and he lets a sob escape from his lips as he rolls onto his side.

But no matter how hard he tries, sleep evades him.

Sitting up in his bed, Renji feels his body tremble as his tears start sliding down his cheeks. He can’t remember the last time he’s actually shed tears, but it had been a long time ago. His heart hurts, his whole soul hurts… everything hurts.

He wipes the tears away and looks at the clock, only to see that it’s three-fifteen in the morning. But it doesn’t matter, he can’t sleep anymore.

He grabs a pair of exercise shorts and a tank top and changes into them. Once he’s tied his hair up in a high ponytail, he goes to the washroom to freshen up and get ready for the day before heading to the kitchen to make some green tea.

For breakfast, Renji eats a bit of leftover noodles before reminding himself to go grocery shopping later today. Once he’s feeling a bit more awake, he puts his shoes on and goes out for a morning run.

Maybe some fresh air will clear his head a little bit, he thinks as he emerges from the building to the cool early morning air.

Renji runs along the Meguro River, enjoying the sight of the sakura trees and the petals that slowly flutter to the ground. The streets are silent for the most part, and a mist rolls in on the surface of the river, making it all the more mysterious and lovely. The sky is slowly growing lighter as the hours pass, the deep blue of the night shifting to pale pink, orange, and lavender.

When he pauses for a short break, Renji inhales the sweet perfume of the sakura blossoms, and for a moment, he feels a bit better. His head feels clearer, and that tightness in his chest has gone for the time being.

Once he’s completed his run, he returns to his apartment. After a quick shower and change of clothes, Renji heads out to the nearby supermarket to buy some groceries for the week.

He focuses mainly on buying necessities like milk, bread, eggs, and some tea. He also picks up some fresh fruit, meat, rice, noodles, and once he’s satisfied, he heads back home and puts the groceries away in the fridge and cupboards.

With all that taken care of, Renji heads down to the shop, where he sees Tessai getting everything ready for the day.

“Ah, good morning, Abarai-kun!” Tessai greets. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine, I guess.”

“You managed to restock your fridge?”

“Pretty much,” Renji says with a nod.

Pausing slightly, he asks his next question. “Anyways, I was just wondering: can I help out in the shop in any way?” Renji asks Tessai. “Like with cleaning up or restocking, things like that? I need something to do for three months.”

Tessai smiles. “Of course! You can help with restocking shelves; I received a shipment of new android parts in the back room, so I’ll need help with putting them up on the shelves. If you could do that, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“Sure thing,” Renji agrees with a slight smile.

After receiving a chart of where each product goes, Renji heads to the back room to get started.

He first starts on the boxes of cables, taking several of them and bringing them to their designated shelf in the shop. Renji works quickly and efficiently, and then moves onto the hydrogen fuel cells and the synthetic skeleton parts.

It quickly becomes a routine, but Renji finds it quite calming, especially when he restocks shelves while listening to music through his earbuds. He does greet customers every now and then, but for the most part, it’s a steady routine.

However, by eleven-thirty, the lack of sleep quickly catches up with him. He finds himself feeling much more tired, and the desire to sleep is a lot stronger than he expects.

And unfortunately for him, Tessai begins to notice the change. So during a slow period in the day, Renji is called to the back room so Tessai can talk to him.

“Did you sleep well, Abarai-kun?” Tessai asks.

With a sigh, Renji shakes his head. “I didn’t,” he confesses. “Maybe it was jet lag, maybe it was the nightmares, or maybe it was both. But I just couldn’t sleep.”

Tessai folds his arms across his chest, looking empathetic. “Nightmares…” he muses. “I know that feeling all too well, Abarai-kun.”

Renji stays silent as he listens to Tessai.

“I’ve had my own share of nightmares while I was in the Gotei,” Tessai says. “I’ve lost quite a few friends in combat, and their deaths still haunt me to this day.” He sighs. “They’re not fun, aren’t they?”

“They’re not,” Renji agrees.

“What was your unit like?” Tessai asks.

“Oh god…” A bitter sigh escapes Renji’s lips. “It was bad. My unit was so dysfunctional, so toxic and hateful… it was really bad. I mean, one of my squadmates made threats against me so many times, and my sergeant was so incompetent that he left me in charge of everything. I spent two years in that unit, and I thought I was going to die at some point if I was there any longer. But still… I didn’t want them to die like that!”

To his dismay, his body trembles slightly as he fights to suppress the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t save anyone… and it’s all my fault…” Renji whispers.

Right then, Tessai places his hand on Renji’s shoulder. “Look at me, Abarai-kun.”

Renji looks up.

“Whatever happened there, I don’t want you to blame yourself, alright?” Tessai tells him, both firmly yet gently. “It was not your fault, and you shouldn’t be blaming yourself like this. Don’t overwork yourself out of guilt, especially since you’re so tired right now.”

Renji only nods quietly.

“You’ve still got a long life ahead of you, Abarai-kun,” Tessai says. “So please take care of yourself. Talk to someone if you need to. I don’t want to see you destroy yourself.”

Managing a weak smile, Renji nods again. “Thanks, Tessai-san,” he says.

Deep down, however, he has a feeling that it’s about to get worse. Much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Indeed, things are about to get worse. But as they say, the dark days will be over soon. Renji just needs to concentrate on healing and getting better.
> 
> Let me know how I did :) Have a good one!


	3. Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji struggles with nightmares as he tries to adjust to his new routine, and then runs into a familiar face from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now Rukia makes her appearance in this story! I'll admit, I had some fun with this chapter, especially with writing Renji and Rukia's interactions; I've always loved their friendship, and it's fun to try and imagine it in this AU.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys!

A few days pass, and for the most part, the routine has been the same. Renji helps Tessai out in the shop every morning, restocking shelves, carrying heavy merchandise, and sometimes assisting customers with finding parts that they need. In the evenings, he does workouts in his apartment, and when Jinta and Ururu come home, he plays futsal with them.

But at night, that’s when everything gets worse.

The nightmares are fierce and painful, and Renji wakes up from them in panic and a cold sweat. His sleep isn’t getting any better, and by the time the first week is over, he starts wondering as to whether he should try and find a therapist to talk to.

However, memories of the hearing on Gateway put a damper on that idea. If those executives tried to gaslight him and make him question reality, then Renji isn’t too sure how a civilian therapist might react to his story.

They probably wouldn’t take him seriously, either.

Hell, he might end up losing his career if they decide to call the Gotei.

However, it’s getting to the point that even Jinta and Ururu are taking notice of the change in his personality.

During a game of futsal, when Renji takes a little too long at retrieving the ball because he’d frozen up when a flashback struck, Jinta is the first one to see him.

“Oi, Abarai. What are you doing?” he asks.

Renji blinks, trying to dispel the horrific visions before turning around to face Jinta, a smile on his face. “Sorry, I… I got a little distracted,” he says.

Jinta folds his arms, regarding him suspiciously. “Are you sure?” he asks. “Ya know, you look like you haven’t slept in a while.”

Of course he’d notice. Kids are experts at picking up on things.

With a sigh, Renji just nods before picking up the ball. “Yeah, you’re right,” he admits. “I haven’t slept all too well this past week. So I’m pretty tired.”

As they walk back, Jinta presses a bit more. “So… why aren’t you sleeping?” he asks.

“I’ve been having bad dreams, that’s all,” Renji says. “Being a Marine isn’t really easy, you know?”

“Yeah. My dad says the same thing,” Jinta agrees. “So did you like, have a mission gone wrong or something like that?”

“Something like that,” Renji responds. “I… I can’t go into too much detail about it, but I will say that it was awful, and horrible, and…” He sighs slightly. “Yeah. That’s… pretty much it.”

Jinta nods, still looking curiously at Renji.

The next day, Renji comes down to help Tessai, heading straight to the backroom to get things ready for restocking again when Tessai approaches him.

“Abarai-kun, you don’t need to worry about stocking the shelves today,” he says. “I’m giving you a day off.”

For a moment, Renji is surprised. “Wait… why?” he asks. “I need something to take my mind off things.”

“Well, you clearly haven’t been sleeping properly, and while you may not notice, I’m noticing the difference in your behaviour,” Tessai explains. “You look very tired, Abarai-kun. What’s happening?”

There’s really no point in hiding it, is there?

Shoulders drooping down, Renji turns to look at him. “My nightmares are getting worse,” he confesses. “Every single night, I’m reliving everything that happened on that station. I see my squadmates die again and again, and I can’t do anything to help them. I… I can still hear their screams even when I’m awake…”

Tessai sighs softly. “From what you’ve told me, sounds like you went through hell,” he says. “It’s not easy, isn’t it?”

“I’ve just been feeling so… sad,” Renji adds, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Everything hurts and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get any better. I feel sick, I just want to curl up and stay in bed, and just… I don’t even know anymore. I’ve been feeling so angry and sad and very frustrated these past few days.”

“That’s grief for you, Abarai-kun,” Tessai explains. “And it ain’t a fucking peach. I’ve felt it firsthand and it’s not fun.”

Renji looks up at him as he continues speaking.

“I know what it’s like to lose those you care about,” Tessai continues. “My wife died only a year after we were married, but it really hurt at the time. And then two months after that, I lost two of my closest friends during a campaign. It really wasn’t easy for me, especially since those two friends had been helping me through the pain of losing my wife. I felt very alone during those days.”

Renji nods slowly. “I’m so sorry, Tessai-san.”

Tessai smiles briefly. “My point is that… it’s not easy to say when grief will end,” he tells him. “It ends when you’ve fully accepted what happened, and that your life can go on.”

“Well… I’m probably going to be like this forever, then,” Renji admits. “It’s too hard for me to accept, and I have no answers for a lot of things.”

“You shouldn’t be like that,” Tessai says. “It may not look like it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.”

He gently places his hand on Renji’s shoulder. “You have a big heart, Abarai-kun,” he says. “You may not have had the best experience with your unit, but it’s obvious that you cared about them. As Leo Tolstoy once said, ‘only those who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them’.”

Somehow, those words are a little bit reassuring. Renji smiles weakly at Tessai. “Thanks for the advice,” he says.

“Take care of yourself, Abarai-kun,” Tessai says. “If you need anything, just talk to me. Now go and enjoy your break.”

“I’ll try and do that.”

With that, Renji leaves the breakroom and heads to his apartment. Taking his sketchbook and pencils, he decides to go out and do some drawing.

To be honest, Renji doesn’t know where exactly he’s going to, but eventually, he ends up at a Western-style coffee shop not too far from Tessai’s shop.

The rich smell of brewing coffee hits him the moment he opens the door, and the low murmur of conversation fills his ears. Soft music plays from some speakers on the ceiling, and Renji briefly looks at the menu before heading up to the counter to place his order for a simple green tea.

Once he receives his cup of tea (along with a ‘thank you for your service’ from the barista), Renji heads to a soft chair by the window, setting the tea on the coffee table in front of him before taking his sketchbook and pencils out of his bag. 

Turning to a fresh page in his sketchbook, he starts to draw a sketch of a samurai in battle, fighting his opponent amidst falling sakura petals. Renji focuses hard on his drawing, trying to make the image come to life on the paper in front of him, just like his other drawings. Every now and then, he pauses to take a sip of his green tea before resuming, and the background noise of the café helps soothe him as he draws.

Just as Renji finishes up with the samurai, a woman’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

“Excuse me? Would it be alright if I sit here?” she asks, her low voice unusually familiar.

Frowning slightly, Renji nods. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he says, looking up from his sketchbook.

His eyes widen slightly as he looks at the woman standing before him, and his heart skips a beat for a moment.

_ No way… it can’t be…  _

The woman is petite with black hair cut in a bob, pale skin, and violet-coloured eyes. A single strand of black hair hangs in front of her face, and she’s dressed in a pale-blue blouse with black jeans. Slinging from her shoulder is a baby-pink bag with a Chappy the Bunny design printed on it.

It’s been so long since he last saw her, but there’s no doubting it right now. Renji will recognize those eyes no matter how long it’s been. The woman standing in front of him is…

“R-Rukia…” Renji whispers, still stunned.

Rukia frowns slightly as she regards Renji for a moment, and then her eyes slowly widen in shock.

“Abarai Renji… is it really…?” she asks, equally surprised.

When Renji nods, Rukia is silent for a moment, and then her face lights up as she smiles.

“Oh, Renji… it really is you!” she says, her voice filled with joy as she steps forward to him.

Before Renji even registers what’s happening, Rukia throws her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug.

For a moment, Renji doesn’t move as he recalls childhood memories of hugs like this. But then his desperation for human contact kicks in, and he pulls her close, hugging her back just as tightly as he buries his face in her hair, inhaling her icy-fresh fragrance.

_ Oh god… please don’t let this be a dream…  _

“It’s you… It really is you…” Renji murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. “Oh god… this isn’t a dream, is it?”

“No, it’s not,” Rukia says with a soft chuckle. “It’s really me, Renji.”

She pulls away from the embrace and smiles warmly at Renji. “My god… it’s been too long, hasn’t it?” she says.

Renji can’t stop smiling. “Yeah,” he says. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

His heart hurts as he suddenly remembers that fateful day when he saw Rukia for the last time.

It was all the way back in high school. Back then, he and Rukia had been working hard in all of their classes and at multiple part-time jobs to try and support themselves. Ever since their friends in Inuzuri were killed, it had been important for them to succeed in high school if they ever wanted to get out of Inuzuri. 

And then one day, Renji had walked in on what looked like an important meeting between Rukia and some high-ranking officer in a Gotei uniform. It had been on the same day when some Gotei recruiters had come to do a presentation in the school.

That officer had looked surprisingly beautiful and elegant, but he had an aloof, lethal air to him, and Renji had known that he was not someone to be messed with. 

Shortly after the officer had left, Rukia had told Renji that the officer was her brother-in-law: Major Kuchiki Byakuya. Apparently, Rukia’s older sister, the Major’s wife, had passed away, and he was considering taking her into his family.

While Rukia had been hesitant, Renji had encouraged her to go with the Major. After all, she’d have a better life than what she had in Inuzuri. But deep down, Renji didn’t want her to go. And yet he’d let her go in the end.

He’d regretted it for years since then.

It had been part of why Renji had enlisted in the Gotei Colonial Marine Corps; he’d been desperate to try and reconnect with her, and he’d thought that joining the Gotei would help him reach out to her.

And now… now she’s finally here again.

“You look like you have a lot you want to say,” Rukia tells him. “You wanna get outta here so we can catch up?”

Renji nods, smiling slightly. “You wanna come back to my apartment?” he asks. “It’s close by, and it’ll be easier.”

“Sure thing,” Rukia agrees.

When Renji gets up from the chair after collecting all his things, he notices Rukia looking at him in surprise.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Jeez, you’re even taller than I remember!” she says disbelievingly. “How tall are you, anyways?”

“Six-foot-two,” Renji tells her, a sly grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “But you don’t look like you’ve grown that much, actually.”

“Oh, shut up!” Rukia snaps, blushing slightly.

Renji can’t help but chuckle.

“Looks like you’ve got more tattoos as well. And did your hair grow longer? I swear, it looks longer…” Rukia says as they leave the café and head back to Tessai’s shop.

The way she’s talking to him, the way she’s so casual and relaxed like how she used to be… it’s as if she never left at all. Renji hasn’t even realized just how much he’s missed his best friend until now, and the loneliness in his heart eases up a little. Not by much, but it’s a lot better than before.

“Is this where you live?” Rukia asks when they reach Tessai’s shop. “In an android repair shop?”

“My apartment’s on the second floor,” Renji tells her. “My neighbour owns the shop, and I help him out from time to time.”

When they reach Renji’s apartment, Rukia looks around the place. “I had no idea you lived in such a cosy place!” she says, slipping her shoes off.

“Thanks…” Renji says. “I also like it here. It’s cosy, my neighbours are nice, and it’s a hell of a lot better than what we used to have in Inuzuri.”

“Oh, definitely!” Rukia agrees.

Once Renji’s removed his shoes, he enters the main apartment and sets his bag down before sitting on the couch, right across from Rukia.

“So… what have you been up to these past few years?” Renji asks her.

A proud smile crosses Rukia’s face. “Well, I’ve become a scientist with Weyland-Yutani,” she says. “I’ve been studying various extraterrestrial flora and trying to see how they can be put to use on Earth. In fact, I was just in Vienna for a conference on the subject last month. Nii-sama’s very proud of me as well.”

Renji smiles at that. “Nice. Sounds like you got yourself a good job,” he says. “So what are you doing here?”

“I’ve just come back to work in the labs in Tokyo,” Rukia explains. “There are some more specimens for me to study. Anyways, what have you been up to, Renji?”

“Well… I enlisted in the Marines,” Renji says, undoing his bandana and ponytail. “I joined when I was seventeen, and I’ve been in for five years now.”

“Really?” Rukia looks at him, impressed. “That’s wonderful! What rank are you?”

“Squad corporal,” Renji tells her. “I’ve been stationed in a few countries around the world now: Brazil, Greece, and Egypt just a few months ago.”

Suddenly feeling shy, he averts his eyes. “Oh, I forgot. You want some tea?” he asks her.

“Oh, that would be nice, please,” Rukia says, smiling slightly. “Can’t believe you forgot to ask me.”

“Hey, give me a break…” Renji mutters. “I’m still reeling from everything that’s happened…”

He gets up and heads to the kitchen to make some tea for Rukia. Pouring some water into his electric kettle, he sets it on its stand and flips the switch before getting a mug with a green tea bag ready. He also takes a slice of aish el saraya, an Egyptian dessert he’d bought, and puts it on a small plate.

Leaning against the counter, Renji lets his thoughts wander for a moment.

And suddenly, before he knows it, his thoughts are yanked into the back of his mind.

He’s back on Iwashiro, and he can hear the sound of claws scratching against walls as something moves in the darkness. An unearthly hissing fills his ears, and then Kotetsu’s ghastly screams echo in his mind.

Renji is frozen in place as he’s bombarded with memories, and he feels trapped. His mind is telling him to run, but he can’t  _ move. _

_ No… please, not now… no…  _

* * *

Rukia looks around Renji’s apartment, noticing his unique retro décor, and smiles slightly. Ever since they were kids, Renji has always liked retro movies from the twentieth century, and it seems like that hasn’t changed at all.

Renji himself, however… something about him is different.

Renji had been so quick-tempered and fiery when they were young. He’s passionate and volatile, someone who can smile no matter what the situation is. Along with his loyalty and determination, Rukia has always loved that about him.

But something in him has changed.

There’s a distant sadness in Renji’s eyes, one that shows even when he smiles. Even his smiles aren’t as wolfish or playful as they used to be. They’re gentler, somewhat somber. Rukia knows that when Renji is sad, he feels it quite strongly.

Yet he’s typically quick to bounce back.

Even now, his fiery personality has become more subdued. He’s not quick to snap at her whenever she acts like a smartass, and Rukia won’t lie, she misses that.

Then again, he could’ve matured in the time they were apart. But still… Rukia doesn’t know just what happened. Being in the Marines could’ve also changed him, but even then, it’s almost like Renji has gone through some personality-change.

Getting up from the couch, Rukia heads to his bookshelf and looks through his collection. There’s a wide variety of military fiction on his shelves, and to Rukia’s pleasant surprise, she sees a copy of Tolstoy’s  _ War and Peace. _ There’s also some sci-fi manga volumes, but most of the books he has are old.

A faint smile crosses Rukia’s face.  _ I can’t imagine Renji reading Tolstoy like that… I wonder if he’s already tried? _

Suddenly, there’s a loud thud from the kitchen, and Rukia is snapped out of her thoughts.

Glancing at the source of the noise in alarm, she rushes to the kitchen, only to stop in the doorway.

Renji is huddled at the foot of the stove, almost curled up as he remains there, unmoving. His eyes stare blankly at the wall, and his body trembles as if he’s cold.

For a moment, Rukia just stands there, completely stunned at the scene before her. She has never seen Renji like this, he’s always been so strong and confident and unafraid, and to see him like this… it’s baffling.

As she slowly approaches him, her eyebrows furrow in worry.

“Renji…?” she says gently.

Renji doesn’t react, and that’s when Rukia gets a look at his eyes.

To her complete shock, Renji’s eyes are filled with pure, unadulterated terror. Whatever he’s seeing, it’s frightening him, reducing him to the state of a young, fearful child. His breathing is quickened, and he looks so vulnerable and terrified.

Rukia’s heart hurts, and she crouches down beside him.

“Renji? What’s going on?” Rukia asks softly, trying not to startle him. “Renji, can you hear me? Hey, what’s happening?”

She puts her hands on his shoulders, and that seems to work.

It’s as if a spell is broken. Renji’s breathing evens out, and the trembling subsides. He blinks a few times, and he looks around the kitchen before his eyes land on Rukia.

* * *

The moment he feels small hands on his shoulders, the vision fades away. A fresh fragrance washes over him and Renji’s breathing becomes steadier as he blinks. Looking around, he realizes that he’s in his kitchen.

And that’s when he notices Rukia crouched down next to him, and he looks at her in surprise. “Rukia?” he asks, his voice filled with uncertainty.

“I’m right here,” Rukia reassures him, her voice soothing. Her eyes are filled with concern and confusion.

Did… Did she just witness him in the middle of a flashback?

Renji averts his eyes. “Sorry you had to see that, Rukia,” he mumbles.

“You fool… why are you apologizing to me?” Rukia asks, though there’s no real anger. “What the hell happened, Renji? I’ve never seen you like this before.”

He pauses before shaking his head. “I… it’s a long story,” he says morosely. “There was a mission… everything went horribly wrong.”

He leaves it at that.

Fortunately, Rukia doesn’t try and push him. Instead, she nods slowly. “I see,” she says. “Don’t force yourself to tell me if you don’t want to, alright?”

“Thank you,” Renji says, relieved.

“But there’s no way in hell I’m leaving you like this,” Rukia decides firmly. “I think I’ll stay here for a little bit, just to make sure everything’s okay. How long will you be here for?”

“Three months,” Renji says.

“Then I’ll be staying here with you for three months if I have to,” Rukia tells him. “I’m not going to leave you alone, no way.”

Renji blushes slightly, but he feels touched at Rukia’s declaration. For her to stay with him for his sake… maybe it won’t be so bad.

With a weak smile, Renji nods. “Thank you, Rukia,” he says sincerely.

Rukia smiles back and kisses his cheek. “I just have to go and get some fresh clothes from my home, alright?” she says, helping him back onto his feet. “It won’t take too long. I’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah. I’ll see what I can make for dinner,” Renji says, leading her to the front. “I’ll see you in a little bit?”

“Of course.” Rukia gives him a quick hug and puts her shoes back on. “See you in a bit.”

With that, she leaves the apartment, and Renji heads to the kitchen to cook something for the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Rukia is now here to try and help him. But it's not going to be an easy process for sure. But we all know that Renji will get there in the end.
> 
> Let me know how I did :) Have a good one!


End file.
